Chapter 59
Shen Qi didn't know how Qin Huan came to his decision, but that didn't matter. Once they formed a bond, he would naturally know his thoughts.
Forming a bond wasn't complicated; all it required was a quiet, undisturbed space. The glass-room was deep within the palace, hanging off a cliff, inaccessible without a spaceship or mech suit. All the spaceship and mech suits permitted into the royal city were recorded; outer-space ones simply could not reach it.
Instead of choosing a day to form the bond, Shen decided to do it immediately to avoid possible complications in the future.
He found a training video, watched it twice, quickly grasped the essence, and then sat face to face with Qin Huan on the bed in their room, holding his hands.
In stark contrast to Shen Qi’s joy and enthusiasm, Qin Huan's face betrayed no emotional fluctuations. Upon closer look, one could see a profound desolation within his eyes, as if he were prepared to be abandoned once again. Shen Qi noticed this but didn't bother explaining, choosing to let him experience mind-link firsthand.
Shen wasn't worried about Qin discovering his tasks and the events from his three past lives. If these secrets could be easily discovered, their mission would have ended a while ago.
Opening his mind, linking his mental energy with the other person's, a vast surge of mental energy flooded towards him almost instantaneously, making his surroundings brighten with a white light.
Shen Qi's mind briefly blanked out, for perhaps a minute or maybe ten. When he came to, a sequence of images flashed before his eyes.
They were Qin Huan's memories!
Shen Qi was momentarily surprised. While binding minds allowed one to sense the other's thoughts, reminiscent of mind reading, it didn't share each other's memories unless volunteered to do so. Typically, no one would take such a step since everyone has secrets they'd rather keep undisclosed.
Yet, Qin Huan had voluntarily spilled his memories for Shen Qi to view!
After the initial shock subsided, Shen Qi, without bothering to comb through the revealed memories, decided to reciprocate by disclosing his memories to Qin Huan.
Their mental energies interlinked, and he quickly felt Qin Huan's emotions—the joy and excitement of seeing light from the depths of despair.
Guilt welled up within Shen Qi.
He then observed, as a bystander, thirty years' worth of Qin Huan's memories.
As a child, Qin Huan was sternly urged by the Empress Dowager to take his studies seriously. Although rigorous, the Empress Dowager's intentions stemmed from her expectations for him, something the young Qin Huan failed to understand. He preferred the gentle and unconditionally doting Imperial Concubine.
Back then, the Imperial Concubine bore no personal bias, showed the utmost respect for the Empress Dowager, and even taught Qin Huan to be filial towards her.
The sight of a young Qin Huan trying to act mature was endearingly adorable, making Shen Qi yearn to pinch his cheeks.
As days passed and Qin Huan grew older, Shen Qi finally saw the former Crown Princess Alice. Even at the tender age of six, she was already showing hints of beauty, bearing a striking resemblance to the Imperial Concubine. It was no surprise that the King, who already had a favored consort, would be enticed by the Imperial Concubine's charm.
Shen Qi watched as Qin Huan and Alice gradually became familiar with each other. The young boy and girl played in the courtyard under the ever-watchful and contented gaze of the Imperial Concubine. But beneath her satisfied demeanor, a hint of ambition began to emerge.
Endless studying and moving between his birth mother and foster mother made Qin Huan's childhood monotonously consistent—only Alice's presence provided him with some moments of relief and playfulness.
The discomfort within Shen Qi gradually receded. No matter what, Alice did bring a touch of joy to Qin Huan's otherwise dull childhood.
Soon, childhood years fleetingly passed, and Qin Huan matured into a tall, resolute teenager, becoming the crown prince who was admired and praised by everyone.
Then came the time to choose his fiancée.
Shen Qi raised an eyebrow; he didn't skip this part, but watched it attentively. When he saw Alice, teary-eyed on their wedding night, telling Qin Huan that she had a physical impediment that inhibited her from performing marital duties, he heaved a sigh of relief, clicking his tongue. He always knew that Qin Huan appeared to be an inexperienced man, and it turned out to be true!
Not only could Shen Qi review Qin Huan's memories, but he could also experience his thoughts. The feelings Qin Huan harbored for Alice leaned more towards familial love than romantic.
The 18-year-old crown prince, because of his foster mother's year-long sternness and intimidation, favored his gentle birth mother. He also preferred her family—the Grante family, which was once insignificant but was promoted after he ascended.
Thus, after the incident with Shen Qi, he conveniently chose Alice to be the queen.
For Qin Huan, because of his status, the reverence others displayed towards him often felt distancing. Therefore, he cherished the mother-son bond with the Imperial Concubine. Because he cared too much and didn't want to disappoint his birth mother, he repeatedly fulfilled her ambitions, thereby welcoming the calamity that was Alice.
From Shen Qi's perspective though, the Empress Dowager was just stern, not evil. After all, Qin Huan was not her biological son, and she'd never birthed or reared a child. With the Imperial Concubine being too soft, she naturally had to be firm. Otherwise, how could she uphold an empire?
However, for a child, the impressions formed during early years are deeply engrained. With the Imperial Concubine's subliminal conditioning, Qin Huan naturally could not hold the same sentiment towards the Empress Dowager as he did towards his mother.
The Empress Dowager didn't seem to force him to be close either. At least, from what Shen Qi saw in Qin Huan's memory, no matter if he initially approached the Empress Dowager with the same proximity as he did his own mother, or became disappointed when he received no reciprocation, choosing to maintain respectful distance instead, the Empress Dowager's attitude towards him never changed from start to finish.
Shen Qi did not know the Empress Dowager's thoughts. Perhaps she was disillusioned with the Emperor and, thus, unwilling to get close to his child. Or maybe she never expected the Imperial Concubine's deception. But due to her indifference, she invited calamity upon herself, causing the entire Shen family to face ruin.
The Empress Dowager was killed by Alice. Every time she met the Empress Dowager, Alice administered a drug that led to the weakening of her spiritual power. This forbidden drug was prohibited throughout the empire. No one thought Alice would possess it, let alone use it to harm the Empress Dowager.
This truth was revealed to Shen Qi when the Eldest Prince successfully impersonated Qin Huan. As a boastful display, the Eldest Prince arrogantly revealed that Alice had administered the forbidden drug to Qin Huan, ruining his appearance. He also recounted, unashamedly, his lofty ambitions and methods.
After watching this, Shen Qi felt that the Eldest Prince's death had been far too easy. Had he fallen into Shen Qi's hands, the punishment would have lasted at least ten days and a half.
After observing Qin Huan's experiences on the fallen star, Shen Qi despised him even more.
Especially the first year when he lost his spiritual power and was forced into hard labor, barely escaping death. His spiritual power was not restored in one go, but gradually increased over time. In the process, he suffered a betrayal. After finally establishing a power base, he got betrayed by the core members of his team, almost rendering his previous effort futile.
Shen Qi watched with trepidation, meanwhile gaining insight into Qin Huan's inner turmoil.
The final blow to Qin Huan was his birth mother, the one he dearly missed and longed to rescue. However, when he finally saw her, she denied his existence and inform the Eldest Prince about his presence.
Qin Huan couldn't understand, and neither could Shen Qi. What kind of mother was she?!
When he saw Qin Huan leading people to storm into the imperial palace to end her life himself, he felt she deserved it.
If she had kept silent to protect her own life in the past, that's one thing. But knowing that her son was back and still denying his existence was too much. Besides, it was enough that she disowned him; to also turn around and betray him was simply...
She deserved it.
Shen Qi watched the rest of the memories, which quickly reached recent times, the time when Qin Huan met him.
When he was amnesiac, he was confused. However due to Shen Qi's impact, he felt love, followed by a strong possessiveness. For him, emotions were unreliable and only ownership provided him security.
However, even after obtaining Shen Qi, he still felt restless, despite locking Shen Qi in a gilded cage.
Shen Qi's provocative treatment indeed stimulated him to the extent of harboring the intention to kill him.
Yes, the intention to kill.
Shen Qi finally understood why Qin Huan was reluctant to form a bond with him, why his eyes were filled with desolation. The person he loved wanted to kill him, a fact hard for anyone to accept.
It was due to unease and confusion that harmful intentions surfaced. If he killed him, he wouldn't have to deal with endless unease, he wouldn't have to worry incessantly. If he killed him, Shen Qi would completely belong to him.
Shen Qi was left speechless. What was this — "I love you so much that I want to kill you"?
Clearly, it was a serious problem.
The reason Qin Huan was hurting himself was that he was afraid he could not control his desire to kill. He was worried that he would harm Shen Qi unknowingly, so he chose to inflict pain on himself, letting the repeated pain remind him not to harm Shen Qi.
After experiencing his emotions, Shen Qi was speechless for quite a while.
Various emotions welled up in his heart, and he was lost in his thoughts, immersed in the recollections, even after the contract was formed.
When he finally regained his senses and his faculties, he let out a groan.
Unbeknownst to him, at some point, he had been lifted up and placed on Qin Huan's lap. He was being moved up and down, while the back of his neck was bitten, leaving his whole body tingling.
"You..." Shen Qi grabbed onto his shoulders, speaking in fragments, "Don't, ah, don't move... I have something to ask you..."
Qin Huan completely ignored him. Upon hearing his voice, Qin Huan's actions intensified. Holding his earlobe between his teeth, he spoke in a hot breath and excited tone, "I'm so happy, Xiao Qi, I've never been this happy. It was all my fault before. I was wrong. I didn’t expect that you would forgive me, that you care about me so much..."
Shen Qi had something to tell him, but as soon as he moved, Qin Huan held him down tightly. Breathing heavily in his ear, Qin Huan sounded pleading and repressed, "Don't reject me, no matter what, don't reject me. Your gaze, your movements, every word, even a single syllable; I would overthink it, fearing that you don't like what I'm doing or that you despise me. Please, please don't reject me..."
Shen Qi immediately softened and patted his shoulders, "I'm not rejecting you. I just have something to tell you. Let go for now and later... Mm!"
Before Shen Qi could say anything, Qin Huan toppled forward, pressing him onto the bed. Shen Qi shivered delightfully, going limp all over.
"Shh--" Qin Huan pressed his thumb against Shen Qi's lips, gently rubbing them. His gaze was unusually gentle. "But right now, I don't want to hear or say anything. I just want to..." he licked his lips, straightforward and wicked, "F*ck you."
Damn.
This was the first time Shen Qi had seen this side of him, this...
Intense.
He struggled and said, "So, you won't hold it against me for tricking you this morning?"
Qin Huan's gaze deepened, with various emotions flickering within. Quickly, it seemed he thought of something and began to laugh, "It doesn't matter. I know you wanted to form a bond with me. Rather, I should thank you. So don't worry..." He squeezed Xiao Qi, "I will reward you."
Shen Qi drew a sharp breath, his voice hoarse, "Also, can you forgive me for secretly interacting with Vick behind your back?"
Qin Huan's gaze was exceptionally gentle, "Of course."
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